Boredom : Emotional dissatisfaction Or saturation

As with everything in life, the novelty of anything new wears off. We start seeing the things we enjoyed as chores. I do realize this happens with everyone and for every little thing, a new job starting with feeling proud and worth something to seeing it as a something we just do to earn a living. Why the change is perspective? Only because once we have anything included as part of our day to day life, you tend to take it for granted.

A new relationship, the excitement in meeting the person every time, the urge to tell him/her everything about yourself. The feeling of not being able to stop talking and not wanting to stop talking open up and lay it all on the table, watch them react to your good bits, the bad bits and then leash out the ugly's. Moving from emotional closeness to physical intimacy and feeling insatiable and just drinking in the other person with a passion you admit you have never felt before. All this and more for the initial few months and then we settle in a rut  to long comfortable silences, to life taking over when their calls/messages become something you dread, when you feel the need to escape when the intimacy and the person become part of your everyday life and your mind wander to think whats next. Why do we crave something so much that once we get that very thing in life and two seconds later you think is this it? I'm bored already!

The what's new era we live in has this concept so ingrained in all of us that its a compulsion to continuously prove to yourself and others around you that you are in fact doing something new, really? Who are we kidding after a point in life you do go through a been there and done that phase. Each one of us have wondered at one point or the other is this it? will there be nothing that will interest me in future. its a part of life embrace it and accept it. the last thing you need in life is to think any less of yourself for not doing anything new. its cliche but every day is a new page, you can fill it with something relevant, boring or remotely interesting, but try not to fill it with self loathing and a lack of self worth.

Sometimes

..its over before it even started.

Going to the movies - Solo

After 6-7 years I thought I should try going to the movies by myself. I do admit it’s not the nicest feeling because movies have always been more of a group activity for me. I have a varied taste in Movies so I tend to watch the popular action/thriller's with 2 good friends of mine, chick flicks and soppy rom-coms are a pet peeve of another lovely friend of mine. So different movies with different crowd but generally 2 or more people.

I think the last time I went to a movie alone was when I was young, really young fresh off the boat in London and taking the places, the people, the experience all in. Life in itself was an all-consuming event that I didn't have the time or the inclination to ponder over the fact that I was headed to a movie by myself. Never had the time to think if it was pathetic , sad , would people notice me? Nothing. New movie released, trailer looks good, ask a few people, if no one's interested bah! their loss and I headed off to the cinema with not an ounce of care. I never carried the feeling around like a trophy or a guilt. It was irrelevant in the bigger scope of things.

Now that I am older, I realize the way I think is so very different. I fretted over the fact that I have to go alone. Oh my! What will people think when they look at me? Will they write me off as a loser or someone who was stood up at the very last minute. Should I pretend to be on a call with an imaginary friend who stood me up? So many thoughts just to watch a movie that I was interested. I don't know when it happened and I still can figure out why I care what a bunch of people interested to watch the same movie thinks about me? Seriously when have you actually given a person you saw at the movies alone more than a 10 seconds of your thought? But still why this horrible sinking feeling?

My theme to doing anything in life is if you are doing something do it right. And I bought tickets and headed to the cinema hall #1, plonked myself on the middle seat of a row of five seats. Soon the hall started filling up, all of them couples avoiding me and my row like plague. Maybe they worry its contagious? :D finally lights dimmed and on with the trailers, I'd like to add at this point that I love love love watching movie trailers, for a lazy person like me whats the least effort you spend to know more about a movie, yes! a trailer few seconds of your time and boom! you know about it and you can decide if you want to watch it or not. Ok coming back, the trailers started and a fairly middle aged couple approached my row gingerly like I was rabid dog in a cage. The brave lady  started off by waving her jacket at my face maybe to check if I would latch on or growl. Since I didn't bite or growl, she asked me if she could sit next to me, I politely replied "Sure!". Few interesting trailers later I thought let me have a peek at these two and good lord! I should have been giving them change for the condom machine and some sound advice. I moved very quietly to the far end of the row so not to let them lose their suction on each other's face and having been grossed out and lost my appetite for the pricey popcorn, I carried on with the movie.

Two hours later I walk out and you know what I feel the same as I felt 7 years back. It just doesn't matter. I patted myself for having successfully getting through it. Got home and cried myself to sleep when it dawned on me how fickle minded I've become in life.